I was reminded recently of this TED talk by psychiatrist Robert Waldinger on ‘What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness’. It’s such a timely reminder as there have been so many things going on – floods, war, climate change, federal election, housing crisis, covid and I sometimes feel so overwhelmed. Happiness and the idea of a ‘good life’ can seem very very far-fetched some days.
You can read more about Professor Waldinger’s study here but in essence, the study highlights the age old wisdom that what ultimately brings us happiness is not money or fame, but the relationships in our lives. The study followed the lives of 724 men over 75 years; one group of men were sophomores at harvard university in 1938, back when the study started. Another group of men were recruited from the poorest neighborhood in inner Boston. The study wanted to see if there was any difference in the happiness levels between these two groups of men over their life span, given their startlingly different start points in life and what contributed to happiness in their lives. The conclusion was clear – that good relationships keep us happier and healthier. What best predicted good health at age 80 was not their cholesterol levels, but how satisfied they were with their relationships at age 50.
Close relationships are ‘better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ or even genes’ (The Harvard Gazette, 2017).
So again, back to the fact that the quality of the relationships we have in our lives lie at the core of our wellbeing. At the heart of alot of the stories I hear in therapy is a sadness we feel when the relationships in our lives are not turning out the way we’d like them to despite our best efforts.
I don’t doubt for a moment that we need money, we need job security, we need a roof over our heads and food on the table. So many of us though strive for much more, to accumulate more, to own more, sometimes at the detriment of the closest relationships in our lives. Something to think about. 🙂